I Like Porn

Don’t drink, don’t smoke
What do you do? *

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Oh, yeah, you heard me. I like porn. Especially porn as defined by the geniuses behind the book Porn for Women. But also regular porn, too. Still, this other Porn for Women is pretty good stuff. Inside you’ll find pictures of (mostly) hunky and sometimes shirtless guys doing household chores and saying things like “I don’t have to have a reason to bring you flowers,” “I know. Let’s take you shoe shopping,” and my personal favorite “Have another piece of cake. I don’t like you looking so thin.” Sigh. That’s almost as good as a . . . nah, it’s not. But it’s not bad.

Ladies, how many times have you longed to hear these words?

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Well, not only did I get this book for Christmas, I got my own living, breathing version of Porn for Women. Check it out:

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Oh, my God! I’m still quivering. Look at the masterful way he holds the dishtowel. The bold posture of a true dish-washing stud. The look of sexy determination in his eyes—a determination to get every last blob of crusted-on gravy. Back off, girls. He’s all mine.

But I don’t want you to think that my Christmas was all about porn. A JD Christmas is well-rounded.

It’s about knitted socklets as made by my awesome mom . . .

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. . . and modeled by her weirdo kids!

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The holiday breakfast tradition of orange rolls and coffee:

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Christmas dinner wouldn’t taste the same without some cat-butted napkins:

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And I couldn’t have made dinner at all without my mom in her spiffy apron:

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At our house, cats get wrapped gifts . . .

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. . . while Dave gets a box of raisins:

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And for some of us, Christmas means never taking a bad picture, even while wearing a paper crown:

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I hope your Christmas was filled with all the best kinds of porn.

* Today’s lyrics are courtesy of the decidely un-Christmasy Adam Ant

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